Fiona Phillips – “Lowlife thief took my car fast, now I’m furious”

Well, it hasn’t been the best of weeks for me, it has to be said. Some lowlife arse has nicked my car.

On Wednesday, I’d parked up to buy a pressie for my husband’s birthday, arrived back at where the car should have been, and there was no sign of it.

I’ve trawled every single street in my neighbourhood, twice, even though I suspect it’s already been dismantled and is on its way to Europe where it’ll fetch a good price for parts.

I just hope the bonus birthday present in the boot will be ­appreciated by the no-mark who’s driving around in my lovely Mini (if they haven’t already sold it for the aforementioned parts).

The apathy shown by each form of authority I’ve reported it to has been quite staggering. I guess I’m just expected to claim on my insurance and forget about it.

The police actually said they doubt I’ll ever see it again. End of. No investigation. So I tried the car pound number and spoke to a totally disinterested young guy, who could barely form a sentence, let alone a conversation. I think he said “nah, not ’ere”. And nor was he. The lights were on, but only just, and there was definitely no one in.

And still no clue as to where my car might be. It’s my second no-fault incident this year. The first involved my Mini being slammed while stationary at traffic lights! A woman coursing around a corner, one hand on the wheel, one clasped around a coffee cup and straight into the side of my then, nearly new car. And the… (I really want to swear here) f***er didn’t even stop. ­Literally whacked my car and sped off. A few thousand pounds worth of damage left in her trail. I want to swear again!

And so did the local vicar who was out walking with his family and witnessed it all.

Still, even with God’s messenger on my side, the cops couldn’t have been more ­disinterested when I walked into the police station to report the accident and maybe get them to check the CCTV and track the offender down. Not a chance.

So, readers, if you’re out today and thinking of nicking a car and maybe playing a spot of dodgems with another, nick and bash to your heart’s content. You’ll deffo get away with it. Because, it seems, no one in authority really gives a damn any more.